Oh my God. Oh my God. Mr. Sheffield just called from the limo
and said that he made a big mistake six months ago
and wants to talk to me about it.
-Six months? -Paris.
-Plane. -Told me that he loved me.
Took it back.
-Mistake. -Mistake.
-Mistake. Mistake. -Mistake. Mistake.
-He made a big mistake. -He made a big mistake.
Niles, could Miss Fine and I have some privacy, please?
-Certainly, sir. -Thank you.
So Mr. Sheffield, you said you made some horrible mistake six months ago.
That's right and I want to make it up to you right now.
One sec.
-Hello? -Hi, Ma.
Sweetheart, what do you want? We're just sitting down to eat.
-Can it just wait a sec? -No.
I think you'll wanna hear this.
Go ahead.
Well, Miss Fine, I just had a meeting with my accountant
and I realized I took out too much withholding tax.
I owe you a refund.
That was the big mistake you made six months ago?
I can't believe that's what you lured me in here.
You get rid of Niles. You call my mother.
That was you.
Nobody likes a finger-pointer.
Why are you so upset?
Because six months ago you told me that you loved me
and then you took it back and I thought that, that was the mistake you made
that you wanted to correct, not some lousy tax refund.
How much are we talking?
Moving on. How can you be so insensitive?
I thought you understood why I took back what I said.
I just said I understood.
I was trying to appear reasonable.
I thought it would turn you on.
Maxwell, you are not gonna believe this.
I have been summoned for jury duty.
Well, that is the last time I vote.
Ms. Babcock, maybe I'll go be on that jury with you.
Nanny Fine, you can't just go.
It's not like Supercuts.
Are you kidding? I've got a drawer full of those things.
Besides, there's nothing keeping me here.
For God's sake, Miss Fine, when are you gonna forgive me for this?
Well, I'll give you a little hint.
It beings with an "N" and ends with an "A".
Never.
She was working in a bridal shop In Flushing, Queens
'Till her boyfriend kicked her out In one of those crushing scenes
What was she to do, where was she to go She was out on her fanny
So over the bridge from Flushing To the Sheffield's door
She was there to sell makeup But the father saw more
She had style, she had flair She was there
That's how she became the Nanny
Who would have guessed That the girl we've described
Was just exactly what The doctor prescribed
Now the father finds her beguiling Watch out C.C.
And the kids are actually smiling Such joie de vivre
She is the lady in red When everybody else is wearing tan
The flashy girl from Flushing The Nanny named Fran
Oh my God. This is the Vincenzo trial.
Oh! I've just gotta get on this jury.
He is on the cover of every romance novel.
-You know him? -No. You read?
Juror Number 2, I'm sorry, but under marital status
does this say "divorced"?
No. "Disgusted."
-And you are how old? -Twenty-nine.
Well, who's on trial here, anyway?
-Good news and bad news, sir. -Good news first.
Ms. Babcock got picked as a juror
and will not be returning to work for the duration of the trial.
Why is that good news for me?
Not everything is about you, sir.
Now, for the bad news. Miss Fine was also picked.
Well, actually that's kind of a relief. Give her a chance to get out of the house.
Meet some new people, get a change of scenery.
Keep her from killing you for breaking her heart again?
Just find a temporary replacement, would you?
Well, be careful what you wish for, sir.
Say hello to your new nanny.
Hear ye, hear ye.
This court is now in session.
The honorable Judge Jerry Moran presiding.
All rise.
Be seated.
You're all out.
I didn't say, "Simon says."
I never get tired of that.
All right. Proceed.
The People call Vincenzo to the stand.
Sit down.
Not you. Juror Number 2.
Well, he yelled at me, but look at her.
She pushed her chair up nice and close.
Do you mind if I kick off my shoes? My feet are a little moist.
I am the meat in an idiot sandwich.
Mr. Vincenzo, tell us what happened the night you were attacked.
I was asleep.
My housekeeper, Kiki,
hovered over my bed.
I thought I was dreaming.
Then that woman just chopped all of it off.
And that's why they don't allow female mohels .
Mr. Vincenzo, have you experienced emotional distress
as a result of this attack?
Of course. God knows if it will grow back.
The mala femmina .
My career is ruined.
Look what she did to me.
I like it.
Lose the earring. It's a little too Mr. Clean.
Mr. Vincenzo, why would Ms. Hanson want to attack you?
I don't know. In fact, I told her I loved her.
Give her the chair. Pass it down.
Your witness.
Mr. Vincenzo,
tell the court what you did
after you told Ms. Hanson that you loved her?
I took it back.
Call for a mistrial!
That woman is one hundred percent absolutely not guilty!
Sorry.
Okay, kids, let's play a new game.
It's called "let's make Sylvia a snack."
But we just played "let's make Sylvia dinner."
Yeah, but I won.
Okay. Who wants to paint my nails?
I do.
Mamaleh, start with the big one first.
They're all big.
Well, that's cool.
So is he cute?
Really? Did he ask you out on a date?
Hey, Gidget, would you get off the phone? We're waiting for Fran to call.
Well, this is Fran. Here. She wants to talk to you.
You know, my hole closed up.
Could you see if you could push this through?
Hello, sweetheart.
So how's the trial?
Honey, they don't hang people anymore.
Sure. He should rot in hell.
Of course. He's guilty as sin.
I thought she wasn't supposed to discuss the trial.
She's talking about you.
-Just give me the phone. -She don't wanna talk to you.
You know, Mr. Sheffield, you can't play with a woman's emotions.
A woman is like a fragile, delicate flower.
There's no nail on that toe. Paint the skin.
Hey, look, the trial's on the news.
At least her being on this jury will take her mind off what I said
and then, you know, took back.
The Vincenzo trial heated up when the romance novel heartthrob
revealed he told his employee he loved her, then took it back.
Niles, which arm tingles when you're about to get a heart attack?
You are so vain.
Not everything in Miss Fine's life is colored by her feelings for you.
The jury sat stone-faced through Vincenzo's testimony,
except for a lone juror who had to be physically restrained.
Will you hold this a minute?
Just look at that poor girl.
See, that is what happens when a man tells you that he loves you
and then he takes it back.
Any woman in her position would have done the exact same thing.
-What are you looking for? -My Dexatrim.
Ms. Hanson, you claim not to have a key to Vincenzo's room.
Yet as his live-in maid,
you must have total access to every room in the house.
This is so low, they're playing the domestic help card.
Can you tell us how your fingerprints got onto People's Exhibit Number 6?
I don't know.
And how did you get those cuts on your hands?
I don't know.
She's just so obviously innocent.
Investigators uncovered a size eight,
Manolo Blahnik stiletto heel print at the scene.
In your deposition, you claim that you would never own
such an ugly pair of shoes.
How do you explain this photograph?
Well, it's obviously been doctored. I mean, those shoes are white.
The crime took place after Labor Day. There goes the whole timeline.
There's a voice in here that's really irritating me.
Hey, shut up over there.
You lied about these shoes.
You lied about being in his room that night.
And you lied about using those scissors to deform him, didn't you?
I would never hurt Vincenzo!
I knew him when he was just Bernie Schwartzberg!
Anyone else would have killed him! All I did was cut his hair!
-Did you hear that? -I don't believe it!
He's Jewish.
Niles, Sylvia has been calling for you for ten minutes.
-Why haven't you answered her? -She was calling from the tub, sir.
By the way, where's my lunch?
When the ingredients are combined, she can smell them immediately.
May I, sir?
-Niles! -Quick.
She's onto us, sir.
Don't bother to chew it. Just swallow it whole.
Do I smell dry Cotto salami with a sweet honey mustard...
...on a kaiser roll?
I really wanted that.
You know, if Jimmy Hoffa had a corned beef sandwich
in his pocket, she'd have found him in a week.
-"Guilty." -Yes.
-"Guilty." -Yeah.
-And one "not guilty." -Come on.
Come on.
Hey, lady, what part of this exactly is it that you don't understand?
The confession under oath?
Or the neighbor's video that showed her doing it?
You ever hear of "guilty as sin"?
Ever hear of Arrid Extra Dry?
All right, Nanny Fine, if you don't vote guilty
I am gonna swing you by the head like a dead cat!
I have been stuck in that hotel room with you for eight days.
I'm singing myself to sleep
with "A horse is a horse, of course, of course."
Well, excuse me.
That man told her that he loved her and then he took it back.
Do you know what that does to a person?
Hasn't anybody ever driven anyone here to commit an insane act?
I can't say that ever happened.
-Oh, so your kids, they call you a lot? -No.
-But they see you at least once a week? -Once a month.
And only if I beg.
Oh, it's not my son. It's that cow he married.
Sometimes I just wanna shake...
-Not guilty.
No!
Could it be that you're just a little sensitive to this shrew maid
because you have some fantasy
of ending up with your employer yourself?
Let she who is without fantasy cast the first stone.
And for your information, I am completely able
to separate myself from this case.
Miss, did you even listen to Vincenzo's reasons
for taking back what he said? I quote:
"Ms. Hanson and I had feelings for each other
but I couldn't risk the romance.
She was like a mother to my children."
But the kids adore me. Her! Me! Her!
"My children couldn't handle losing another mother
if our relationship didn't work out."
Same thing happened to me when I was a little boy.
You like a sensitive guy?
Yes.
I used to be one.
So in other words, the reason why he couldn't commit to her
was because he was so much in love with her,
he was afraid that if he blew it,
not only would it hurt the kids, but he would lose her forever.
And that's why he took back the thing.
-Yes! -Yes!
-What thing? -Shut up!
Is that a southwest, barbecued chicken on grilled sourdough
with a side of shoestring fries?
Could I have one little bite?
It's not sanitary, sweetheart.
Hold it right there.
Give that southwest, barbecued chicken on grilled sourdough
with a side of shoestrings fries back to the boy.
God bless you, Fran. Welcome home.
How's Mr. Sheffield?
You know, he's very antisocial.
The whole time I was here, he never came out of his office.
Gee, that's just like Daddy.
Wonder what that's about?
-Bye, sweetheart. -Bye, Ma. Thank you.
Miss Fine, you're back.
Look, before we pick up where we left off
I want you to remember that I've been living
with your mother for a week.
I think I deserve a little time off my sentence.
Mr. Sheffield, I understand now why you took back what you said
and I'm not angry with you anymore.
No, no, come on, don't toy with me, Miss Fine. I'm weak with hunger.
I'm not toying with you. Come here.
Now I'm toying with you.
Did you see the news?
Vincenzo convinced the prosecutor to drop the charges
and just married his housekeeper.
If you think that holding me tight is gonna get you out of this one, mister,
well, you're just gonna have to move your hands a little lower.
"Her alabaster skin was pressed against his taut, muscular body.
Their lips met
and the two became one."
Hey, this is my fantasy.
But I lent you the book.
Now,
let's go to the chapter where we're shipwrecked.